Sorry it’s been so long, I totally suck, I’m fired from blogging, blah blah blah.
Okay, now that that’s out of the way, I’d like to introduce y’all to the one and only Persephone Rae Guccilatte Marchelle Novella (Sephi or Sephi Rae most of the time)! I adopted her from a rescue in Missouri the weekend before Halloween–she was 7 weeks old when I brought her home. She is smart and silly and lovable and sweet and goofy and, currently, obnoxious as hell. She just started her official training today to learn manners since right now she is pretty much a mini moose-zilla (fuck off spell check, that is totally the only word to describe her), mowing down everyone with her enthusiastic adoration/attention whoring. She is my emotional support dog and she has truly brought so much light and life into my world, I don’t know what I’d do without her.
So I had a super exciting thing happen in my usually not exciting life! I am constantly entering the giveaways on Goodreads–I mean, c’mon, it’s free books people! I never win, of course, but I enter the giveaways anyway. Call me an optimist or maybe an idiot, whatever. Anyway, when I saw that they were doing giveaways for the Bloggess’ new book, I entered them every chance I got. AND I ACTUALLY FRICKING WON!!!!!!! I won Jenny Lawson’s new book Broken!!!!! I not only finally won a book, I won my favorite author’s book!! And it actually already came in the mail and I’m almost done reading it and it’s amazing and EVERYONE ON THE PLANET SHOULD READ HER BOOKS!!
Next week I’m going in for a new procedure and I have to admit I’m a bit nervous. See, I have this issue with my lower back where it basically kinda aches all the time, especially if I stand too long or sit still too long or walk too much or, you know, live. Then, sometimes, just for kicks, my lower back just loses its fucking mind and completely freaks out and hurts so bad that breathing is painful and it goes on for a day or two days or up to a week and it sucks utterly. I have been trying trigger point shots and different meds and such but nothing really helps except the couple times it was so bad I actually went to the ER and they gave me, like morphine or something, but that’s not exactly something I want to do every time my back tries to kill me. So my pain clinic and my doc recommended I get an epidural…you know, the big ol’ spine area shot the give ladies when they’re in labor?!?! Yeah, it’s like that, except apparently it’s not the same medicine…but it’s still a needle IN MY SPINAL AREA! Now, I am totally not someone who has an issue with needles. I have absolutely no issue with needles 99.9% of the time. It’s just, well, IT’S MY SPINE! I will of course do it, it’s just a teensy weensy bit nerve wracking. Cause it’s my spine.
I would TOTALLY attend a duck fashion show and it would be ah-mazing, because the ducks are waddling around in little dresses and hats and that is a level of adorable that would make my whole year. It’s a little disturbing how excited I was to discover that Discovery+ has EVERY SINGLE episode of Toddlers and Tiaras. I know most folks ranted and raved about how awful that show was, but obviously people watched it since it lasted so many seasons. I’m just being honest about the fact that it is a guilty pleasure of mine. I find it beyond entertaining–it’s like Rupaul’s Drag Race in miniature…only not. Also, if folks were fair, there were a lot of kids who honestly loved getting all made up like a princess and doing the pageants, and some of the parents weren’t crazy or pushy or any of that. Granted, most of the parents they showed were bat-shit, since they make much more entertaining TV, but not all of the parents were that way. Admittedly, I find the whack-jobs beyond entertaining, even when I find their behavior utterly reprehensible, if for no other reason than I can sit and scornfully mock and belittle them while feeling delightfully superior, which is probably wrong and such, but it is totally true. That’s one of the best parts of watching many of my favorite shows actually–Cops, Intervention, Hoarders, Beyond Scared Straight, Toddlers and Tiaras, etc. I mean, how do you not feel better about yourself and your life choices while watching someone insist the drugs a cop found in their underwear aren’t theirs or when someone’s home is so stuffed with crap that a shovel is needed just to unearth the floor? Okay, maybe if you’re a really good person, you wouldn’t sit there feeling all better about yourself, but I’m okay with the fact that I’m a rather snarky, judgmental bitch. I came up with a new word recently, well I think it’s new anyway. I noticed a fella had installed a hook and eye latch to hold his trucks tailgate in place and I thought to myself that he must have been very impressed with his own redneckery, but spellcheck isn’t telling me it isn’t a word so apparently I totally did not invent it. Which makes sense because it seemed like a word that should already exist since it was a super fun word and very appropriate. I should really go pick up Sephi’s poo while she’s sleeping cause then it’s easier to go outside without her wanting to come out too, which I totally do not want her to do since she is super unhelpful in poo pickup. It would be neat if I had a service monkey to pick up the poo for me. Oh! And the monkey could ride around on Sephi’s back and play fetch with her (if she ever figures out that she has to let go of the toy she wants you to throw in order for you to throw the darn thing) and they could be BFFs and my pup would totally NOT eat my monkey because she’s going to be well-trained by then, and it would be AWESOME.
Peace Out, Girl Scouts!