So, I’m pretty sure a cult of suicidal spiders has moved into my apartment. See, I always make it a point to periodically announce “if I don’t see you, I don’t squish you spiders!” throughout my apartment, giving spiders plenty of warning about how things work around here. I feel this is incredibly thoughtful of me, considering spiders give me the heebie-jeebies. However, they also devour bugs, which I also loathe, so they have that going for them whereas most bugs are just creepy little icky things that just need to go away. Which means I don’t really WANT to kill spiders…but…well, they were warned darn it. The past week has been particularly spidery and it is becoming exceedingly annoying. I have had to squash 3 spiders in my bathroom and 2 in my bedroom! Seriously y’all, I think I have some sort of suicide spider cult on my hands! I mean, I have clearly warned them–repeatedly and in an increasingly shrill shriek–what will happen if they cross my path! yet they continue to prance right on out into the open, heading straight for me and, ultimately, their demise. And every stinking time I am forced to squish one of these kamikaze spiders, I stand there waving the instrument of squish and hollering, “Damn it, I said if I don’t see you I don’t squish you!” at the stupid thing. As thought this will somehow make him see the error of his ways. Like he’ll suddenly stop, smack his tiny spider forehead (do spiders even have a forehead?) and say, “Oh! You’re quite right! I am dreadfully sorry, it simply slipped my mind! Won’t happen again!” before turning and politely getting the hell out of my apartment. Somehow, don’t picture that happening.
I start my self quarantine tomorrow. For the next 2 weeks, I am totally going to hermit myself off from the world as much as possible. Absolutely no unnecessary trips to the store, no visits with friends, no polite chatting with the oh-so-friendly neighbor—nothing. If I do have to go to the store for some unavoidable reason, I will don the gloves and mask ensemble. In other words, I will actually do all the stuff they have been suggesting we all do anyway that I have only sorta done. All so I can go see the niece and sister and the Steve. Since my niece has a weaker immune system, she is in the high risk category for Covid (which I am as well, I just don’t worry about me so much). I refuse to take any chances with her health, so I am going into social lock down for the 2 weeks proceeding my visit to do my best to ensure I don’t do anything to inadvertently endanger her.
I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that they are starting to reopen stores and such. On the one hand, yay for shopping! On the other hand, the number of cases is increasing every day. People are all kinds of eager to holler about their rights and how this is ‘Merica and no one can keep them from their freedom to shop and whatnot. I totally get the folks who are out of work wanting to reopen so they get their jobs back, but the folks hollering loudest aren’t those folks–nope, they’re the douche canoes that just don’t like being told they can’t do something. Kind of like when you tell a toddler he can’t touch a hot stove and then that becomes that which he most wants in the whole world. And I really don’t get warm fuzzy feelings when they start talking about how it’s mostly ‘just people with pre-existing conditions’ that are hardest hit, that are dying. First off, that’s not entirely accurate as there are tons of instances where someone was perfectly healthy before contracting Covid and they still died from it. Secondly, folks should take a minute and think about the people that fall into that category. It isn’t just frail old people in nursing homes. It’s me. It’s my 12-year-old niece. My friend’s 11-year-old son. My bff/cousin Robby. My little cousin who was born premature. The list of people I love who fall into that category is long, and I’m willing to bet it is for most folks if they actually think about it. Guess we’ll just have to go with the flow for now and see how everything goes.
I was watching some videos of actual 911 calls and I decided it is a really good thing I never tried to do that job. I have little to no patience for stupidity, nor could I pretend to have sympathy for someone who just slaughtered their family/lover/friend/etc. One video in particular left me absolutely bewildered. A man called 911 when he somehow drove himself into a lake. He was still in the sinking vehicle when he dialed 911. He told the lady where he was and what had happened and when she asked what kind of car it was he answered’ “a brand new Cadillac”…that’s right kiddies, he went to the trouble to point out that his rapidly sinking vehicle was brand new. He and the dispatcher went back and forth a bit and the call abruptly cut off. The man was found dead in his fully submerged SUV. The dispatcher was reprimanded because she never told him to exit the vehicle. *stunned silence* Y’all, if you are in a vehicle that goes into a lake, why the hell would you need someone to TELL YOU to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE GD CAR?!?!?!? Seriously?!? NO one would need to tell me this. I would definitely be able to figure that one out all on my own. Shit, I would of been scrambling out Duke boy style as soon as the car hit the water! No way in hell would I be waiting in there for someone to TELL me to get out!
My buddy Desi has decided that from now on, anytime I tell her a story, she’s going to record me. Apparently, she is convinced my weirdo story telling would be amusing to people on the internet. I personally think people would find me beyond whackado and rather obnoxious. But what do I know, people find it amusing to watch grown folk pee on themselves on purpose so there’s that.
I hope I get to plant my flowers today. And make hamburger surprises! If I do, I will post pics and the recipe for surprises (one of my fave foods ever).