Why is it that some people are so willing to replace people in their lives? Am I part of a dying breed of people who actually value people? I have always tried to be a good person, a good friend. I know I haven’t always succeeded, but I have tried. I love my family and friends, even those who have openly or subtly discarded me. My father is a whack-job who treated me abysmally for many years before cutting me completely out of his life. His sister, my aunt, who had badmouthed him to my mother my entire childhood, proceeded to follow his lead and more or less disowned me. I do not hate either of them, though I suppose maybe I should, and often wish I could. I just can’t do it. I do not posses the ability to write off the people I love and care for–even after they stop caring for me. Apparently, my off-switch for feelings is broken. I have had friends who hurt me without a second thought, and still I cannot bring myself to discard the friendship. I wish I could be different, that I could force myself to stop caring. Maybe then it wouldn’t hurt so much to realize just how disposable I am to people. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so shattered every time someone drops me like trash on the roadside. I’m not sure what is so horrible about me that so many people discard me without hesitation. Even when I can see exactly what happened, I find it hard to understand. How can someone just dismiss me once I have given all I have to give? When I have done everything in my power to help them and be there for them? As soon as someone better comes along, I am eagerly replaced. I feel as though I have so few friends left and it makes me sad. Luckily, I do have a lot of family left who love me, and my friends, few though they may be, are amazing people. I am grateful for each and every one of these people every day. As for anyone else, I guess I will just accept things as they are and try to deal with it.
Okay, enough of that whiny, miserable crap. On to the awesomeness that is my discombobulated brain!
Daily randomosity: Say, hypothetically, you borrowed a few seasons of a show from a friend….and say you’d had them for a while…like a couple years–would it make you a bad person if you still hadn’t watched them after all that time? Like, say you were finally going to return them because the show is on Netflix so now you can continue not watching without the guilty feelings currently connected to not watching it. I mean, it’s not like you, I don’t know, let the DVDs get run over by, say, a bus or something–the DVDs are safe and sound….just unwatched. Just wondering…I, of course, have done nothing like that. Why does cooked pineapple taste so much yuckier than raw pineapple? Who was the whack-a-doodle that looked at those creepy little anchovie fish things and thought–hey! I bet those would be ahh-mazing on pizza! I mean seriously, who wants to look down at their pizza and see little eyeballs looking back up at them?? I don’t think I’d do very well on the show Chopped…if I did manage to actually cook something (hahahahaha), and they asked me to tell them about my dish, I’d totally be all like “Well, I put that nasty ostrich tenderloin thingy with some stuff I found in the pantry–not sure what it was but I think it was yellow or green. Then I poured that smelly creepy stuff in with some potato-type things, put it all in a pan and cooked it. I hope you don’t die.” Why does spell check keep yelling at me? Why can’t it just realize who it’s dealing with? Like, maybe they could program it to learn to, basically, “read” its users? Like, if Tom or someone is using it, it would be all “okay, sane-ish user….needs a bit of assistance but overall trainable” Then, if I used it, it would be “well crap…it’s that nitwit that swears a lot and makes shit up whenever she feels like it. not even going to waste my time on this one.” Brilliant! Then it would stop pestering me for adding -ish to words or saying things like craptastic or ahh-mazing or hahahaha or whatever. Geesh! Argh! What the hell??? Geesh and argh are totally legit! Damn you spell check!