The Mystery Of The Disappearing Blog

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tantie77

I have officially tried to blog three times tonight, and three times it has dis-a-frickin’-peared.  I am giving up for the night folks.  The internet obviously hates me.  And I had some great stories about a dude who electrocuted his face off and a guy that lost a fight with a sign and a modeling agency for ugly folks and the death-trap they call Australia and whackos who keep creepy crawly critters in their house and how my jammie pants tried to murder me and how gummy stuff is nasty and all sortsa other stuff.  But noooooo, the stupid internet ate my blogs.  So you’ll just have to wait and see what interesting crap I can come up with to write about tomorrow.  Feel free to rant and rave at the internet as you see fit, since it did deprive you of my awe-inspiring wittiness for the day.  And my…

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The Mystery Of The Disappearing Blog

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I have officially tried to blog three times tonight, and three times it has dis-a-frickin’-peared. ¬†I am giving up for the night folks. ¬†The internet obviously hates me. ¬†And I had some great stories about a dude who electrocuted his face off and a guy that lost a fight with a sign and a modeling agency for ugly folks and the death-trap they call Australia and whackos who keep creepy crawly critters in their house and how my jammie pants tried to murder me and how gummy stuff is nasty and all sortsa other stuff. ¬†But noooooo, the stupid internet ate my blogs. ¬†So you’ll just have to wait and see what interesting crap I can come up with to write about tomorrow. ¬†Feel free to rant and rave at the internet as you see fit, since it did deprive you of my awe-inspiring wittiness for the day. ¬†And my jammie pants really did try to murder me. ¬†And the dude with his face all electrocuted off is now wearing some dead guy’s face, which I find just plain freaky as hell. ¬†I mean, every time I think about touching someone else’s bodily fluid it makes me get all wiggy and spazzed out and such, so wearing some dead person’s face–not frickin’ happening…ever. ¬†But (disclaimer!) I am very happy for the dude who formerly had no face and now has a face and it doesn’t even ick him out that it’s some dead dude’s face he’s wearing and I hope he lives happily ever after and such. ¬†Really. ¬†Seriously. ¬†Just ’cause I find the whole idea insanely icky nasty gross, doesn’t mean I can’t be happy for mr, got-a-new-used-face guy. ¬†Don’t judge me!

Once Upon A Blog

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Well, I accomplished pretty much nothing today, which from a procrastination standpoint, is way impressive. ¬†So go me! ¬†I did work on my book, jotted down some poetry ideas, and I plan on doing a load of laundry here in a bit–so you know, I wasn’t totally useless today. ¬†Hmm…so did I do nothing and make my procrastinating self all happy, or did I do just enough to make it to that gray area between doing nothing and being at least slightly productive? ¬†I mean, calling today’s activities productive is completely mutilating the concept, yet I did do a minimal amount of stuff. ¬†You see how I just snuck you in through the backdoor of my thoughts? ¬†Totally baffled over the obsessive focus on such triviality, aren’t you? ¬†(If not, perhaps you should worry a bit) ¬†Welcome to my world–where I can spend ages internally debating the most inconsequential crap ever. ¬†Ordering food from a menu, choosing new clothes, deciding on a haircut, naming something, picking which movie to watch, buying birthday cards, choosing what color to paint my nails–all things that drive me bat-shit. ¬†Over the years, I have discovered that this whole indecision issue can be beyond irritating for the poor souls stuck with me come decision time. ¬†For the most part, I have found a way to avoid being throttled for this by avoiding decisions as much as humanly possible. ¬†When I go out to eat, I simply find an item on the menu that I like, and order it every single time: ¬†at the Olive Garden I always have cheese ravioli with Alfredo sauce and black tie mousse cake for dessert, at Chic-Fil-A I have a regular CFA sandwich without pickles and an order of chicken nuggets and I eat both with copious amounts of their yummy mayo, at places like Applebee’s and Ruby Tuesday and such I always have a grilled chicken sandwich or just the grilled chicken with mayo on the side, etc etc etc. ¬†My solution to the whole hair cut dilemma, I simply tell my awesome hairstylist cousin that, other than making sure I can keep it out of my face at work and that my hair stays fairly long, she can do whatever. ¬†Mind you, this only works because I trust her wholeheartedly and she’s awesome and such…and I no longer let anyone else cut my hair-ever. ¬†Last time I let some stranger cut my hair, he turned out to be the bastard cousin of Edward Scissorhands or some shit and attacked my hair like a man possessed. ¬†That evil, pompous little gay man mutilated my hair while telling me he knew exactly how my hair needed to be and pointedly ignored my repeated pleas to chill out with the flying, snipping scissors. ¬†But I digress. ¬†Back to decision making. ¬†To summarize, I suck at making decisions. ¬†A lot. ¬†Moving on.

Daily randomosity: ¬†My favorite items in my zombie collection are: my 2 wallets, my car bobbler Stanley, my dismember-me plush Everett Pullman (get it??? hehehehe), my gnarly bank Phillip, and all my little zombie dudes. ¬†My zombie collection is pure awesomeness. ¬†I have to work all weekend and the thought of all the TGIF crap I will see on Facebook and such tomorrow makes me want to throttle everyone I may encounter tomorrow. ¬†I really hate when I go through my daily suddenly-on-the-brink-of-passing-out-’cause-I’m-so-tired-all-of-the-sudden crap. ¬†I’m trying to type and watch this crime show, and me eyes keep closing of their own accord, I doze off for, literally, 5 seconds, jerk awake, then start all over again. ¬†It lasts from 20 minutes to a couple hours, and it is always about half-way through my day/night. ¬†It makes no difference how much sleep I have or how much I miss, this annoying sleepy crap happens all the damn time. ¬†I really wish Dart would stop rubbing his face against my laptop–it is disconcerting to watch. ¬†Rat-shit-bat-shit-dirty-old-twat-sixty-nine-assholes-tied-in-a-knot-hooray-lizard-shit-fuck…proof that George Carlin was hilarious. ¬†I think it would be wise for me to avoid bungee-jumping and sky-diving and socializing and other dangerous activities. ¬†I am absolutely positive that, though I would likely survive these sorts of things, I would be the person whose bungee cord broke or whose parachute didn’t open or who accidentally says the wrong thing to the wrong person. ¬†Inevitably, things would not end well for me with activities of this sort. ¬†

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Bye and whatnot… ¬†

Key Players In The Life Of Yours Truly

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So, I figure it might be time to put faces to the folks I mention must frequently in my ramblings. ¬†Nieces, nephews, friends, family…I do not plan on plastering everyone’s face here, just some of the key players.

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A nifty old pic of my big brother, mom, and I 

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My buddy Caron and her adorable dancer, my oh-so-cute niece, Dany

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My nieces…Elise and Chloe. ¬†Elise just finished her first year of college and Chloe just finished kindergarten.

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My nephew Jagger and his lovely Laura.

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Niece Shania a.k.a. Midge.

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My friends Justin and Libby.

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Niece Elise with my big brother Donnie…father daughter bonding time ūüôā

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Carrie and I.

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My buddy, the one and only Noodle! ¬†Oh yeah, and me…

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My bitter little bald buddy, Tom, and yours truly.

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Tom and Noodle’s boys, my extremely humorous nephews, Zaya and Micah. ¬†Unfortunately, this is a very old pic, since I couldn’t find more recent pics that showed them looking at the camera without their faces all twisted into goofy looks ūüôā

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My lil’ buddy Tien….he cracks me up! ¬†(Make sure you show him I put his pic on here Krystal!) ¬†ūüôā

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Zombies….one of my favorite things ūüôā ¬†My zombie collection is rather awe-inspiring, if I do say so myself…and I do.

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My Uncle Jake, Aunt Ginny, Mom, Aunt Jana, Aunt Margie (back row) and my Aunt Linda, Great Grandma Chuck, Uncle Earl and Grandma Selma. ¬†Way back in the day….I think sometime in the 80’s.

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My mom.

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I read every single chance I get…I would be extremely content to simply read or write pretty much constantly. ¬†

Well, that’s about all the pics I wanna put on today. ¬†I have a ton of pics on my computer, and every time I go to upload a pic, I have to page through all my pics to find the one I want. ¬†It gets rather tedious, really. ¬†

Incidentally, you may have noticed that, aside from Elise and Chloe, my nieces and nephews are all “adopted” as such. ¬†They are the children of friends that I have known for so long, I can’t really remember a time they weren’t there. ¬†Shania and Jagger’s mom, Stacey, and I have been friends since we were 11. ¬†Dany’s mom, Caron, and I have been friends for nearly that long. ¬†Zaya and Micah are Tom and Noodle’s boys, and I have known them since they were just little guys. ¬†I love these kids like they are my own, and I like to think they love me right back. ¬†So, though my brother only gave me two (awesome, beautiful, amazing) nieces, my friends have given me many more nieces and nephews. ¬†ūüôā¬†

Toodles for now!

 

Blog! Blog! It’s Better Than Bad, It’s Good!

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Okay kiddies, I have a few things I simply must rant about.

Facebook users…I have seen countless pictures of other people’s food and I have to say, “WTF????” ¬†Why on earth do people feel the need to post a picture of the meal they are about to eat? ¬†No offense folks, but I don’t give a rat’s bahookey what you are preparing to eat. ¬†And, to be quite honest, I don’t think anyone else does either. ¬†I mean, if you made some uber cutesy little snack for your kids birthday or managed to cook something and have it actually look just like the picture, fine–share away. ¬†As a general rule, however, no one cares about your bologna sandwich or your sad-looking salad or whatever. ¬†If you are having something that we wouldn’t want anyway, you are simply wasting everyone’s time. ¬†If you’re having something particularly yummy, you’re just pissing people off by bragging about it. ¬†In summary: ¬†Sharing pictures of your food is pretty much never okay…so knock it off funk-knuckle.

I was once again forced to face what an un-nice person I am today. ¬†We have this little old lady who shops at our store a couple times a week. ¬†She is a nice old lady who calls us dears and is fairly friendly and such. ¬†And I cannot stand her. ¬†Every time I see her coming, I want to duck and weave behind displays and such, just to avoid being spotted by the old biddy. ¬†She is one of those folks who simply has no concept of acceptable requests/behavior. ¬†She will shuffle her wrinkly old behind right up to the counter and ask us to go fetch her something off a shelf or show her where something is–completely ignoring the fact that we are waiting on another customer. ¬†She will just barge right in and demand whatever stupid thing she wants, ignoring the other customers entirely. ¬†Then, when we do go and assist her, she wants something else, or she wants to bitch about the item you just helped her with or she wants you to tell her every minute detail of said item. ¬†She also loves to come up and tell us that this customer or that customer is stealing and we need to keep an eye on them…at least four times, it has been a close friend or relative of one of us, who we know to be innocent. ¬†When we point this out, that old bat simply shifts to the next question or complaint or accusation without missing a beat. ¬†I mean, I feel like the world’s biggest bitch for feeling so down right evil toward this old lady. ¬†She is never overly nasty, never blathers away on her cell phone, never yells at us. ¬†Really, she has never done one truly bad thing to me. ¬†And I still find her rather annoying¬†and utterly intolerable. ¬†I have actually caught myself daydreaming about yelling at her or throwing something at her, and that’s pretty bad I guess. ¬†But damn she’s annoying. ¬†

Daily randomosity: ¬†When I was little, our dad let my brother and I play with fire and candle wax and stuff. ¬†It was really fun and, for the record, the only time we sort of almost really started something on fire we weren’t supposed to was when my brother accidently kinda set fire to the couch. ¬†Thankfully, marijuana and exceedingly poor parenting made our dad rather laid back for the most part, so he just put out the fire and told us to watch what we were doing, then resumed watching old episodes of Doctor Who. ¬†My co-worker tried to poison me tonight. ¬†I tried the weird Mountain Dew she bought–some Baja something or other. ¬†It was horrid! ¬†She didn’t tell me it was lime flavored and therefore nasty beyond comprehension. ¬†I almost died. ¬†Seriously, I have not liked anything lime-flavored EVER. ¬†Limes are evil and sent by Satan to ick me out. ¬†I had yet another tooth break tonight. ¬†Well, kind of anyway…a little piece of the tooth broke and the next thing I know, my filling just fell out. ¬†WTH?? ¬†I might have freaked out a tad bit over that for a minute or so. ¬†Weird thought: if a flamingo wears a feather boa, would that be like a human wearing a skin scarf? ¬†The next week and a half is going to be sucky. ¬†I have to work almost every day between now and the day I head to my nieces. ¬†I think I have 2 days off out of the next 10…maybe 3 days. ¬†And I’ll have to be on register at least 3 of those nights, which I hate with an all consuming passion. ¬†HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT! ¬†Never fails, I work the register, I have at least 1 overly-perfumed asshole come through my line and set off a stupid asthma attack. ¬†At least when I am key-holder, I can avoid people wearing perfume. ¬†If I get even a vague whiff, I shoot off in the opposite direction and find something else to do until they’re gone, usually avoiding an attack altogether or at least minimizing it. ¬†When I am on register, that is not an option. ¬†At the register, I have to continue helping the customer while coughing and trying to breathe, page the key-holder and wait for them to come up and relieve me so I can go outside and wait for the inhaler/fresh air combo to make breathing easier. ¬†Customers stare at me like I am spreading the plague and co-workers sometimes get upset ’cause they were in the middle of something and had to stop because of me. ¬†Siiiiigh. ¬†Omg, it was soooo icky tonight! ¬†I was covering the register for the cashier and this guys came over to check out. ¬†All the sudden, he starts sneezing. ¬†Great big, loaded sneezes, which he covers /catches with his hand. ¬†The same hand that then handed me the money to pay for his stuff. ¬†I almost freaked. ¬†But, and I am so proud of myself, it’s a bit disgusting, I managed to fairly discreetly ick-pinch the money with my fingernails and deposit his change into his waiting, germ-filled hand–all without shrieking or squealing while flapping my hands and doing the ewewewewewewewickyickyicky dance. ¬†I even made it until he reached the door before I shot into the office and dug out my grime-wipes and scrubbed my hands and drawer and such. ¬†Incredible self-restraint, that.

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Gotta go joe… ¬† ¬†