Australia is bad for your health

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Killer hail...

Killer hail…

Freakin' FIRE TORNADOES!!

Freakin’ FIRE TORNADOES!!

Giant spiders wrestling snakes...

Giant spiders wrestling snakes…

Even the 'friendly' wildlife wants to destroy you...

Even the ‘friendly’ wildlife wants to destroy you…

Yep, that's a huge snake with a huge bat...

Yep, that’s a huge snake with a huge bat…

Cow eating giant snakes...

Cow eating giant snakes…

Snakes big enough to eat cows and bad-ass enough to eat crocodiles...

Snakes big enough to eat cows and bad-ass enough to eat crocodiles…

Crocodiles that eat sharks.  And just for the record, there are actually a rather disturbing number of pics out there that show them recovering the bodies of people from the bellies of crocodiles--very graphic stuff.  I am sparing y'all that particular photographic proof of Australia's not-safe-ness.  You're welcome.

Crocodiles that eat sharks. And just for the record, there are actually a rather disturbing number of pics out there that show them recovering the bodies of people from the bellies of crocodiles–very graphic stuff. I am sparing y’all that particular photographic proof of Australia’s not-safe-ness. You’re welcome.

Surfer-eating Great White Sharks hang out along the coast...

Surfer-eating Great White Sharks hang out along the coast…

And it’s HOT AS HELL and there’s deserts and killer bugs.  Want to see a koala or a kangaroo?  Watch Discovery or visit a wildlife sanctuary or something.  Australia is homicidal!

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