A Neat-o Suitcase And Pieces Of The Past Which Probably Contributed To The Creation Of The Awesome Mess Of Whack-A-Doo That Is Me

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Aaaaaaaand that is why I hate clowns.  That creepy bastard still freaks me out!

Aaaaaaaand that is why I hate clowns. What kind of psycho gives something like that to kids??  And what kind of nut-job kid wants something like that on their bed??  That creepy bastard still freaks me out!

This suitcase follows you around like a puppy or something.  Apparently you just use some gadget to have your suitcase following you around.  How awesome is that?!?!

This suitcase follows you around like a puppy or something. Apparently you just use some gadget to have your suitcase following you around. How awesome is that?!?!  I wonder if it would be weird to give it a name and call for it periodically, just to see how folks react to an obedient suitcase.

Once upon a time, I had this adorable little lunch box.  I loved my lunch box.  Take a good look at it.  Now picture joints and sunglasses and an eye patch drawn on with PERMANENT black magic marker.  The joys of having a big brother are just astonishing.

Once upon a time, I had this adorable little lunch box. I loved my lunch box. Take a good look at it. Now picture joints and sunglasses and an eye patch drawn on the adorable little girls with PERMANENT black magic marker. The joys of having a big brother are just astonishing.  I really loved that stupid lunch box, damn it.

This is a picture of an old car's back seat door. Here we see the handy backseat 'smokers mini-lounge'.  Little ashtray and a little cigarette lighter.  How handy, right?  Unless, of course, you happen to be a non-smoker...who happens to be around 5 years old or so...and curious as a mother fucker.  Then this is a sure-fire way to burn the shit out of your finger, which you foolishly stuck inside afore mentioned cigarette lighter to see what the coil felt like.  (I thought it was broken!  I did not know white coils=hot coils!  Don't judge me damn it!)  And the very best moment?  When my dad finally realized I was writhing in pain in the backseat, he handed me my glass bottle of pop and recommended I hold it against my finger.  That was the sum total of the medical attention my poor fried finger received.  It truly is a miracle I survived to adulthood.

This is a picture of an old car’s back seat door. Here we see the handy backseat ‘smokers mini-lounge’. Little ashtray and a little cigarette lighter. How handy, right? Unless, of course, you happen to be a non-smoker…who happens to be around 5 years old or so…and curious as a mother fucker. Then this is a sure-fire way to burn the shit out of your finger, which you foolishly stuck inside afore mentioned cigarette lighter to see what the coil felt like. (I thought it was broken! I did not know white coils=hot coils! Don’t judge me damn it!) And the very best moment? When my dad finally realized I was writhing in pain in the backseat, he handed me my glass bottle of pop and recommended I hold it against my finger. That was the sum total of the medical attention my poor fried finger received. It truly is a miracle I survived to adulthood.

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