My Stomach Is An Asshole And Weird Shit People Steal And Other Craptastic Lifey Bits

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I was sooo excited today!  My awesome pals Krystal and Becky love me so much that they brought me a funnel cake at work!  I have been fiending for a funnel cake for ages, and today there was a pumpkin fest thingy in town and I thought maybe there would be funnel cakes mfor sale at one of the vendor things.  So I asked Krystal and Becky if they would save me a couple bites if they got a funnel cake.  Instead, they brought me my very own funnel cake!  I was in fried, sugary heaven y’all.  I ate, like, 5 or 6 little chunks, doing a little happy dance the whole time.  And then my stomach decided to ruin my precious little happy time.  Once again, it threw a complete, semi-homicidal hissy fit.  Nausea, pain, light-headedness, cold sweat–the whole fricking nine yards of vile bullshit.  Now, my stomach does this crap pretty frequently, so most times I can just battle through it.  Today, however, my stomach was bound and determined to utterly annihilate my enjoyment of my funnel cake.  I didn’t even get to eat half of it!  Hell, I barely got a fourth of it before misery set in, damn it.  Nickie had to finish it for me, which made me all kinds of mopey and disgruntled and such.  My stomach is an asshole.  I wish I could just get rid of the damn thing, but I don’t figure that would go very well.  Must admit though, it was totally worth the misery, just to mow down on some funnel cake.

So I totally got to tell the thieving little worm that he is banned from our store!  It was almost disturbingly satisfying.  Little bastard, thinks he can just keep stealing from our store.  Well, not anymore!  It has become my personal mission to keep him out.  Hell, if I see him in other stores, I’ll tell them about him too!  Little scumbag.

It will never stop baffling me why people steal the shit they steal.  $1 pantyhose, one item from a multi-pack, one piece of candy from a package, douche, denture cream, etc etc etc.  Tonight was another baffling theft discovery.  Someone tore open a package of those Tide laundry pod thingies and took every last one of the little pods.  This baffled me for a couple reasons.  First off, why bother taking them out of the package?  It’s not like they could have fit them into pockets and such, since it was the large package.  If they used a big old purse, why not just shove the whole damn thing in?  Second thing that bugged me, why the hell would you risk getting caught and going to jail for some Tide pods?  Can you picture that?  They’re sitting in a cell and someone asks what they’re in for, and they have to admit to stealing LAUNDRY PODS???  Seriously?  You can get laundry detergent for next to nothing, and you still feel the need to risk getting busted over something so silly?  Good grief people are stupid.  And incomprehensibly bizarre.

Randomosity:  I think my blog might be bipolar.  Or maybe my reader pool contains a significant number of bipolar individuals.  I find it downright insane how much the number of views varies from one day to the next.  One day, I have 1 reader, then 5, then 22, then 2, then 8, then 3, then 19.  How weird is that??  Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that anyone would want to read the mindless drivel I post, it just kinda puzzles me, that’s all.  My little buddy Tien was in with Krystal and Becky today, as well as Damien.  Both boys were so sweet!  They were giving us candy they got at the parade, and not just a little bit of candy either!  Such cool kids, all sharing and such!  I really hate that I have to work all these hours without my medicine for my Fibromyalgia.  Stupid insurance people.  They don’t care in the least that I need the stupid meds.  In fact, they argue that I don’t need the meds at the dosage I’ve been taking for several years!  Morons.  I hope I can make it work to go see the fam the weekend of the 24.  The date keeps changing, but I think that will be the weekend.  Cross your fingers for me!  I really need a new t.v.  It’s getting all discolored on one side of the screen.  I was really hoping to get a couple more years out of it, but I’m pretty sure that’s not gonna happen.  I got my tablet back!  I sent it into the company and they actually sent it back.  Of course, all the stuff I had on it before is long gone, but I have the tablet!  I can read my Kindle books finally!  Why on earth would someone think glow-in-the-dark, bizarrely colored, rubber dog poop would make a good stocking stuffer?  I really want a zombie chia pet. And one of those hilarious mooses we have at work.  I am so not looking forward to working the next 2 days.  It’s pathetic but working 4 longish days in a row damn near kills me.  Siiiigh.

Night all!

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