Christmas And Work And The (Exceedingly Unwelcome) Return Of The Creeping Crud And Other Bits

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Yeah, so there was Christmas and all that, which was decidedly less than stellar.  I did get to spend time with Krystal and her offspring and Becky, which was pretty awesome, and Krystal got me a ZOMBIE CHIA PET!! Totally nifty gift, that.  Can’t wait to do that, seeing how it’s a zombie and a Chia Pet, which I always kind of wanted.  So, yay for that!  Also enjoyed hanging out with my cousins and such, though, once again, I was reminded why I have chosen not to procreate…ever.  And my fellow selectively-social shopping buddy for life, Robby, got me a cool looking game that is all kinds of Supernatural-ish and such, which should be really fun.  And I got to hang out with another baby that doesn’t hate me!  My little cousin, Axle, is super cute and smiley and totally doesn’t hate me!  So we hung out for a bit and bonded and all that.  And I got to see Chloe open the presents I got her on Skype on Christmas night.  I think she dug them, judging by her prolonged pantomime of drinking from the Santa cocoa mug and the squeal of, “Olaf!!” when she opened her big gift.  So, really, overall, not too bad of a Christmas, I reckon.  It’s just tough.  I usually end up feeling like I don’t belong.  Ever since my mom died, I haven’t ever truly felt included in the Christmases I have been invited to.  I feel like I’m intruding, that I am invited out of some feeling of obligation or pity, and am not actually considered one of them, but an outsider.  I know that this is mostly just my own feelings and insecurities rearing their ugly heads, but I can’t seem to shake this feeling of being an outsider.

One reason for my continued slacking on posting blogs, is that I am still working a lot of hours.  My poor body feels like it’s being put through the proverbial wringer over and over again.  I get so worn out that I just have no energy or inclination to do much of anything.  So, sorry y’all.  Hopefully the extra hours will diminish soon, then I can return to my normal, uber bloggy self once again.

I arranged a ride.  I switched shifts with my boss at work to get the day off.  Made plans with Carrie to meet up and spend some time with everyone and give Elise and Alex their xmas gifts.  Was extremely pleased with myself for getting everything all in order and such.  So, of course, the day after I made my arrangements and all, I woke up feeling like complete crap.  Once again, I am coughing and wheezing and sniffling and all that delightful sort of crap.  I find this an utterly loathsome development and am thoroughly irked at the audacity of this stupid creeping crud to choose this inconvenient time to launch its newest assault.  You’re a rat bastard, creeping crud.

Randomosity:  Another reason for my lack of posts is the annoying pain I’ve been having in my right hand.  Completely irritating.  And it hurts like heel-fire.  I love Carol Burnett as Ms. Hannigan in Annie.  I really wish my nose would stop running.  I wonder who decided to use the term ‘runny nose’ to describe it.  Like, why not drippy nose, or leaky nose or irritating-as-fuck nose?  Since there is no actual running going on, why settle on that one?  Although, I suppose the occasional dash for a tissue could count as running, I still think it’s a highly inaccurate terminology.  Just saying.  I totally bought a metal tea-light holder snowman.  I just HAD to get him!  He totally looks like he’s doing the Carlton dance (you know, from the show, Fresh Prince of Bel Air?)  It is beyond amusing, truly.  I forgot to mention that Krystal also gave me, like, a ton of beyond yummy cookies for Christmas.  Pretty sure I’ll end up weighing about as much as one of them folks who have to have a wall of their house removed to get them out.  Totally how I’m gonna end up by the time I eat all those cookies.  On the positive side, then I won’t have to leave my house!

Gotta fly, puddin’ pie!

A Fine Example Of A Hottie Model Man, Lionel The Awesome Llama, One Hella Ugly Sweater-ish Creation, And So Much More

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Yeah, so, I so suck at being a good blogger and such.  I apologize profusely and all that, but I’ve been working a lot and I’m always tired and feeling rather icky and stuff.  So really, you should be all kinds of grateful I haven’t been subjecting y’all to my over-stressed, beyond tired brain.  So there’s that.  But I totally have some catching up to do, so hang onto your butts folks, ’cause here it comes!

As you may remember, I have a delightfully guilty addiction to America’s Next Top Model.  You may also recall that the primary motivation for my die-hard, never-miss-an-episode viewing this season was due to the totally hot guy competing this year.  Like, I totally wanted him to win if for no other reason than to allow me to ogle and drool over him for as long as possible.  Well, he actually won!  So of course, now y’all HAVE to see him in all his luciousness.

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The hat may be rather un-sexy, but who cares?

The hat may be rather un-sexy, but who cares?

I mean come on, he’s almost as fine as Shemar Moore or Jensen Ackles!  Just yum.  Oh yeah, and it was awesome that they actually discussed his dangly bits on the show, dubbing him the manaconda man.  Have to admit, that one made me giggle.  A lot.

So I have decided that my adorable llama, Lionel, simply must get some bloggish recognition and such.  Currently, he is a Christmas llama, but that is merely his present persona.  I plan on making sure Lionel gets to do all sorts of fun stuff.  Like, Lionel goes shopping or Lionel’s day at the fair or Lionel checks out the library.  You know, stuff like that.  And never fear, I will be sure to keep you posted on the further adventures of Lionel, the awesome llama.  Anyway, Lionel attended my cousin’s annual ugly sweater party Saturday night along with myself.  Actually, he was a key element to the amazing hideousness that was my ugly sweater, which was actually an ugly shirt since I only have, like, 2 sweaters and I totally was not jiggy with ruining one of them by attaching heinous baubles all over it.  So, this is my ugly shirt!

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I’m fairly sure it’s the lighting that makes me look like death, but, then again, maybe that’s just how I look.  Lionel is chilling in the stocking attached to the side there.  I rather liked the gaudy ornaments all over the tacky little tree-ish shaped greenery thing there.  And, I’m pleased to announce, I only burned myself on the glue gun, like, 3 times and I only glued stuff to myself, like, 4 times!  Go me!  I don’t think it came out too bad.  Well, I mean, bad in the wrong sort of way, rather than the ugly sweater good kind of bad.  I even had a string of lights (which of course stopped working as soon as I turned them on) and Lionel had a little battery-operated flickering candle thing.  I totally should have won.  Although, the guy that did win had worn a shirt with a picture of his brother on it, framed in tinsel, which was rather amusing.  Of course, I was one of the only people there who didn’t know either him or his brother, which probably would have made it even funnier.  I did win a ribbon for funniest sweater thing though, so there’s that.  Maybe next year I should tack a picture of my cat’s butt on a shirt and frame it with garland or something.  Now THAT would be amusing.

My awesome, selectively-social shopping buddy for life--my cousin Robby, otherwise known as the emperor of ugly sweaters! (he got second place!)

My awesome, selectively-social shopping buddy for life–my cousin Robby, otherwise known as the emperor of ugly sweaters! (he got second place!)

But anyhow, Lionel did pose for some silly pictures during the party, which I know y’all are just dying to see, so here’s the best one!

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Adorable, isn’t he?

Have I mentioned lately how very much I loathe people?  Or how exceedingly rude it is to toss crumpled bills at a cashier or talk on your damn phone while checking out at the store?  I had a delightful lady come through my line tonight (note extreme sarcasm).  She came up with 2 pie crusts and informed me that her son had dropped one and broke it (though I’m not sure how you can break a graham cracker crust, but whatever).  She did not want the broken one, of course, she merely wanted to make sure no one else ended up with it since it was ruined and all.  When I informed her that we do usually ask folks to pay for things they break, she just about lost her shit.  She informed me that she had never heard of something so stupid and that she had never heard of someone having to pay for something that was broken (apparently she has never heard of the rule, “you break it, you buy it”).  She was getting so worked up, you would have thought I told her to kill puppies and eat them or something!  Seriously, the chick totally spazzed out and, naturally, refused to pay for the stupid crust.  And the other day!  I had a dude with blood on his head and his hands and HIS MONEY!  I had to take money with blood on it people!  I barely made it until he was out the door before I doused my hands with sanitizer and scooted into the office to do my “ewewewewew icky nasty gross” dance, which entails me shrieking and flailing around like a crazy person while shuddering and making ‘ick’ noises.  And before anyone asks, no, I did not give a single solitary fuck about what had happened to the bloody guy.  I know, I’m a terrible person.  Don’t care.  I was using all my energy to not completely lose my shit in front of him when he handed me that money.  Besides, it didn’t look like he was all that concerned over it and it wasn’t like he had some big ol’ flap of skin hanging in the breeze or anything, just looked like he got whacked on the noggin.  Pretty sure it was far worse for me than him.  Had another customer come through my line wearing roughly 67 gallons of perfume, which of course set of my delightful barking, hacking coughing and the nifty wheezing that goes with it.  So, I’m standing there, turning away every 3 seconds or so to hack into my elbow (being polite and conscientious damn it), and she’s GLARING at me!  Like I’m coughing plague germs on her or something.  It was her fault!  She’s the skank wearing enough perfume to suffocate a buffalo herd!  Seriously, I just hate people.  Siiigh.

Randomosity:  Told you so Caron old buddy!  The new pain in my wrist is truly aggravatingly annoying!  I kind of want a pet sugar glider, which is basically a tiny little flying squirrel thing.  They are super cute, and their poop is microscopically tiny, especially when compared to my cat’s.  I know this because I saw one poo on it’s owner, and it was teeny tiny little poo.  I’ve been watching this show about folks who have ghosts in their house or business or whatever.  And I find it rather entertaining that these folks almost always end up doing this cleansing thing, with burning sage and all that.  Which just seems rather pointless, since it never seems to actually work, the ghosties always chill for a bit, then start being a pain again.  I don’t care what anyone says, the Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes taste way better than their normal white snack cake things.  It’s probably a really good thing I have no intention of ever becoming a meth addict. since they usually end up making their own meth or helping other meth-heads make some.  I’m fairly certain I’d just blow myself up if I ever attempted something like that, even if I wasn’t high at the time, which most users are while making it.  Besides, it smells really bad.  I’ll stick to caffeine, thanks.  Aw hell, I think the whole cleansing thing actually worked for the family on the episode I’m watching, which means I totally lied.  Still think it’s basically useless though, since this is the only time I’ve seen them say it worked, so there.  I’m getting tired, therefore, I’m heading to bed kiddies!

Gotta scoot, galoot!

100% Perfection= 100% Suckiness, Some More People I Wanted To Punch, And Other Mindless Drivel

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There has been a new decree released by the big head honcho folks at my work.  Anyone working the closing shift is now expected to pick a section to 100% straighten each shift.  What this means is making sure everything is pulled forward, no overstock stuffed behind other items, all cans/boxes etc must be facing forward, blah blah blah.  This shit takes FOREVER.  Normally, we just have to make sure the front 2 items are pulled forward and we can ignore the occasional overstock item tucked behind other items.  Krystal and I had the pleasure of attacking the first few aisles of food tonight.  To say it sucked would be grossly understating things.  The amount of dust residing on the top and bottom shelves was both astonishing and a tad disturbing. In addition to doing this time-consuming super straightening b.s., we are still expected to do all our regular closing shift stuff.  Cause apparently we are super women or some shit.  Siiiigh.

Customers can be truly revolting human beings.  They leave half-eaten candy laying around, put used band-aids in random locations, and drop nasty used Kleenex anywhere they feel like leaving it.  They wipe poo around the bathroom.  (Worst ever?  The time someone took a crap in the tampon receptical, which of course had no bag in it.  Seriously the most despicable and repulsive thing I’ve ever encountered.)  They don’t flush after using the toilet.  They wear adult diapers and tell you all about how they crapped in the diaper and now have a poop-loaded diaper, and the stench to go with it.  They cough in your face and give you disgustingly filthy money.  Then, in addition to behaving barely better than poo-flinging monkeys, they can be world-class douche-canoes as well.  Like the annoying twit that came in with his woman the other night.  Not only did they spray copious amounts of cologne/perfume/body pray that not only lingered in that aisle, but followed them wherever they went, but they also had to act like morons.  They came up to the counter, put stuff there to be rung up, waited until Krystal started ringing it up, then walked away to finish shopping.  Now, by that point in the night, we were down to only one drawer, so when some poor woman came up to the counter wanting to purchase some Advil, I had to go hunt down these idiots.  When I located them and told them someone else was waiting to check out, I was informed that they would be there in a minute (rather snippily) and told that they would get there faster if I carried some of the stuff he had in his hands.  By this time, my happy-go-lucky nature was starting to get sorely fucking tested.  I grabbed one item before he could drop it and basically stomped back up to the register.  When they finally decided to mosey their way back up to the register, the douche-man told Krystal that they would have been done much faster if I would have been more helpful and carried their crap for them.  Just for the record, it is not my job to act as your personal shopping cart replacement, bonehead.  Then Mr. and Mrs. Jackass offered to sell Krystal some pills before finally leaving.  But they didn’t really actually leave.  Nope, they hung out in the parking lot for over 30 minutes!  When Krystal and I were ready to leave, they were still out there!  So I called another gal who works with us to see if she could send her friend down to shoo them away.  The second I picked up the phone and started dialing, they took off out of the parking lot.  Complete frickin’ moronic sleazeballs.  On a good note, I managed to restrain myself and avoid assault charges, so yay me!

Randomosity:  I totally got a pink Christmas tree from my secret Santa today!  I know who it is, figured it out ages ago actually.  Also got a zombie target game thingy.  I can’t decide if I should go with clear lights for my tree or blue, though I am leaning toward clear lights.  Next awesome present I need to get me–new slipper boots to replace my current pair that have duct tape on the soles since the damn things started falling apart within a week or two of getting them.  And they weren’t the cheapy ones either!  They’re the Muk-Luks, which are supposed to be great and such.  Yeah, not so much.  I think I might name my new stuffed dog (which works dandy as an arm pillow) Bosefus Beauregard Swirlyfur.  It has a nice ring to it, don’t you agree?  Close captioning can be beyond hilarious sometimes.  My favorite caption ever was “(peeing aggressively)”, which then made me wonder how, exactly, one pees aggressively.  Like, do you growl while peeing?  Or maybe you pee AT someone, which is just nasty.  ‘Cause, really, it just seemed like the lady was peeing normally and such, so I just couldn’t figure that one out.  I still can’t believe I spelled sauerkraut right on the first try.  Today I am wearing Christmas with pictures of little presents all over them, which are quite cute, if I do say so myself, which I totally just did.  Why did little bunny foo foo bash all those field mice on the head?  Like, what the hell was his deal?  What did those poor little field mice ever do to him?  Can’t wait for my day off tomorrow (today,,,whatever).  Not going anywhere or doing anything except some laundry.  Just gonna watch some movies and peruse my Netflix a bit.  Just chill all day in my WD jammie pants.  Oooh, maybe I’ll make some coco in my coco-motion!

Auf wiedersehen, scatterbrain!