100% Perfection= 100% Suckiness, Some More People I Wanted To Punch, And Other Mindless Drivel


There has been a new decree released by the big head honcho folks at my work.  Anyone working the closing shift is now expected to pick a section to 100% straighten each shift.  What this means is making sure everything is pulled forward, no overstock stuffed behind other items, all cans/boxes etc must be facing forward, blah blah blah.  This shit takes FOREVER.  Normally, we just have to make sure the front 2 items are pulled forward and we can ignore the occasional overstock item tucked behind other items.  Krystal and I had the pleasure of attacking the first few aisles of food tonight.  To say it sucked would be grossly understating things.  The amount of dust residing on the top and bottom shelves was both astonishing and a tad disturbing. In addition to doing this time-consuming super straightening b.s., we are still expected to do all our regular closing shift stuff.  Cause apparently we are super women or some shit.  Siiiigh.

Customers can be truly revolting human beings.  They leave half-eaten candy laying around, put used band-aids in random locations, and drop nasty used Kleenex anywhere they feel like leaving it.  They wipe poo around the bathroom.  (Worst ever?  The time someone took a crap in the tampon receptical, which of course had no bag in it.  Seriously the most despicable and repulsive thing I’ve ever encountered.)  They don’t flush after using the toilet.  They wear adult diapers and tell you all about how they crapped in the diaper and now have a poop-loaded diaper, and the stench to go with it.  They cough in your face and give you disgustingly filthy money.  Then, in addition to behaving barely better than poo-flinging monkeys, they can be world-class douche-canoes as well.  Like the annoying twit that came in with his woman the other night.  Not only did they spray copious amounts of cologne/perfume/body pray that not only lingered in that aisle, but followed them wherever they went, but they also had to act like morons.  They came up to the counter, put stuff there to be rung up, waited until Krystal started ringing it up, then walked away to finish shopping.  Now, by that point in the night, we were down to only one drawer, so when some poor woman came up to the counter wanting to purchase some Advil, I had to go hunt down these idiots.  When I located them and told them someone else was waiting to check out, I was informed that they would be there in a minute (rather snippily) and told that they would get there faster if I carried some of the stuff he had in his hands.  By this time, my happy-go-lucky nature was starting to get sorely fucking tested.  I grabbed one item before he could drop it and basically stomped back up to the register.  When they finally decided to mosey their way back up to the register, the douche-man told Krystal that they would have been done much faster if I would have been more helpful and carried their crap for them.  Just for the record, it is not my job to act as your personal shopping cart replacement, bonehead.  Then Mr. and Mrs. Jackass offered to sell Krystal some pills before finally leaving.  But they didn’t really actually leave.  Nope, they hung out in the parking lot for over 30 minutes!  When Krystal and I were ready to leave, they were still out there!  So I called another gal who works with us to see if she could send her friend down to shoo them away.  The second I picked up the phone and started dialing, they took off out of the parking lot.  Complete frickin’ moronic sleazeballs.  On a good note, I managed to restrain myself and avoid assault charges, so yay me!

Randomosity:  I totally got a pink Christmas tree from my secret Santa today!  I know who it is, figured it out ages ago actually.  Also got a zombie target game thingy.  I can’t decide if I should go with clear lights for my tree or blue, though I am leaning toward clear lights.  Next awesome present I need to get me–new slipper boots to replace my current pair that have duct tape on the soles since the damn things started falling apart within a week or two of getting them.  And they weren’t the cheapy ones either!  They’re the Muk-Luks, which are supposed to be great and such.  Yeah, not so much.  I think I might name my new stuffed dog (which works dandy as an arm pillow) Bosefus Beauregard Swirlyfur.  It has a nice ring to it, don’t you agree?  Close captioning can be beyond hilarious sometimes.  My favorite caption ever was “(peeing aggressively)”, which then made me wonder how, exactly, one pees aggressively.  Like, do you growl while peeing?  Or maybe you pee AT someone, which is just nasty.  ‘Cause, really, it just seemed like the lady was peeing normally and such, so I just couldn’t figure that one out.  I still can’t believe I spelled sauerkraut right on the first try.  Today I am wearing Christmas with pictures of little presents all over them, which are quite cute, if I do say so myself, which I totally just did.  Why did little bunny foo foo bash all those field mice on the head?  Like, what the hell was his deal?  What did those poor little field mice ever do to him?  Can’t wait for my day off tomorrow (today,,,whatever).  Not going anywhere or doing anything except some laundry.  Just gonna watch some movies and peruse my Netflix a bit.  Just chill all day in my WD jammie pants.  Oooh, maybe I’ll make some coco in my coco-motion!

Auf wiedersehen, scatterbrain!


4 thoughts on “100% Perfection= 100% Suckiness, Some More People I Wanted To Punch, And Other Mindless Drivel

  1. longchaps2

    A day off. I would say you earned it. Holy frikamoly. The idea of someone using the tampon receptacle for a toilet boggles the mind. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. VERY sorry. Psychological counseling needs to be included in your employment package. That’s the very definition of PTSD. You asked why bunny foo foo bashed field mice. Well, maybe there were potty problems. Ever think of that? lol. Enjoy your day off!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your sympathy, at least some folks appreciate the hell that retail workers endure! On a positive note though, at least it does make for some dandy story fodder! So there’s that. And I totally slept in disturbingly late today and read for a bit and cursed at Candy Crush and chilled with my cat. It was delightful. I did have to call and holler at the internet folks, but it worked out alright. Shortly I will be going to the casino with my aunt and uncle, which I rarely do, but I totally want see if they have the Walking Dead game! LOL

      Liked by 1 person

  2. There was indeed a Walking Dead game. Sadly, it was a bit of a let down, though still cooler than the other games simply because zombies and all that goodness are automatic coolness. And don’t feel bad, I only knew such a thing existed because it was advertised in my recently purchased season four dvd. I do not get out much either, not if I can help it anyway!


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