Yeah, so, I so suck at being a good blogger and such. I apologize profusely and all that, but I’ve been working a lot and I’m always tired and feeling rather icky and stuff. So really, you should be all kinds of grateful I haven’t been subjecting y’all to my over-stressed, beyond tired brain. So there’s that. But I totally have some catching up to do, so hang onto your butts folks, ’cause here it comes!
As you may remember, I have a delightfully guilty addiction to America’s Next Top Model. You may also recall that the primary motivation for my die-hard, never-miss-an-episode viewing this season was due to the totally hot guy competing this year. Like, I totally wanted him to win if for no other reason than to allow me to ogle and drool over him for as long as possible. Well, he actually won! So of course, now y’all HAVE to see him in all his luciousness.
I mean come on, he’s almost as fine as Shemar Moore or Jensen Ackles! Just yum. Oh yeah, and it was awesome that they actually discussed his dangly bits on the show, dubbing him the manaconda man. Have to admit, that one made me giggle. A lot.
So I have decided that my adorable llama, Lionel, simply must get some bloggish recognition and such. Currently, he is a Christmas llama, but that is merely his present persona. I plan on making sure Lionel gets to do all sorts of fun stuff. Like, Lionel goes shopping or Lionel’s day at the fair or Lionel checks out the library. You know, stuff like that. And never fear, I will be sure to keep you posted on the further adventures of Lionel, the awesome llama. Anyway, Lionel attended my cousin’s annual ugly sweater party Saturday night along with myself. Actually, he was a key element to the amazing hideousness that was my ugly sweater, which was actually an ugly shirt since I only have, like, 2 sweaters and I totally was not jiggy with ruining one of them by attaching heinous baubles all over it. So, this is my ugly shirt!
I’m fairly sure it’s the lighting that makes me look like death, but, then again, maybe that’s just how I look. Lionel is chilling in the stocking attached to the side there. I rather liked the gaudy ornaments all over the tacky little tree-ish shaped greenery thing there. And, I’m pleased to announce, I only burned myself on the glue gun, like, 3 times and I only glued stuff to myself, like, 4 times! Go me! I don’t think it came out too bad. Well, I mean, bad in the wrong sort of way, rather than the ugly sweater good kind of bad. I even had a string of lights (which of course stopped working as soon as I turned them on) and Lionel had a little battery-operated flickering candle thing. I totally should have won. Although, the guy that did win had worn a shirt with a picture of his brother on it, framed in tinsel, which was rather amusing. Of course, I was one of the only people there who didn’t know either him or his brother, which probably would have made it even funnier. I did win a ribbon for funniest sweater thing though, so there’s that. Maybe next year I should tack a picture of my cat’s butt on a shirt and frame it with garland or something. Now THAT would be amusing.
But anyhow, Lionel did pose for some silly pictures during the party, which I know y’all are just dying to see, so here’s the best one!
Have I mentioned lately how very much I loathe people? Or how exceedingly rude it is to toss crumpled bills at a cashier or talk on your damn phone while checking out at the store? I had a delightful lady come through my line tonight (note extreme sarcasm). She came up with 2 pie crusts and informed me that her son had dropped one and broke it (though I’m not sure how you can break a graham cracker crust, but whatever). She did not want the broken one, of course, she merely wanted to make sure no one else ended up with it since it was ruined and all. When I informed her that we do usually ask folks to pay for things they break, she just about lost her shit. She informed me that she had never heard of something so stupid and that she had never heard of someone having to pay for something that was broken (apparently she has never heard of the rule, “you break it, you buy it”). She was getting so worked up, you would have thought I told her to kill puppies and eat them or something! Seriously, the chick totally spazzed out and, naturally, refused to pay for the stupid crust. And the other day! I had a dude with blood on his head and his hands and HIS MONEY! I had to take money with blood on it people! I barely made it until he was out the door before I doused my hands with sanitizer and scooted into the office to do my “ewewewewew icky nasty gross” dance, which entails me shrieking and flailing around like a crazy person while shuddering and making ‘ick’ noises. And before anyone asks, no, I did not give a single solitary fuck about what had happened to the bloody guy. I know, I’m a terrible person. Don’t care. I was using all my energy to not completely lose my shit in front of him when he handed me that money. Besides, it didn’t look like he was all that concerned over it and it wasn’t like he had some big ol’ flap of skin hanging in the breeze or anything, just looked like he got whacked on the noggin. Pretty sure it was far worse for me than him. Had another customer come through my line wearing roughly 67 gallons of perfume, which of course set of my delightful barking, hacking coughing and the nifty wheezing that goes with it. So, I’m standing there, turning away every 3 seconds or so to hack into my elbow (being polite and conscientious damn it), and she’s GLARING at me! Like I’m coughing plague germs on her or something. It was her fault! She’s the skank wearing enough perfume to suffocate a buffalo herd! Seriously, I just hate people. Siiigh.
Randomosity: Told you so Caron old buddy! The new pain in my wrist is truly aggravatingly annoying! I kind of want a pet sugar glider, which is basically a tiny little flying squirrel thing. They are super cute, and their poop is microscopically tiny, especially when compared to my cat’s. I know this because I saw one poo on it’s owner, and it was teeny tiny little poo. I’ve been watching this show about folks who have ghosts in their house or business or whatever. And I find it rather entertaining that these folks almost always end up doing this cleansing thing, with burning sage and all that. Which just seems rather pointless, since it never seems to actually work, the ghosties always chill for a bit, then start being a pain again. I don’t care what anyone says, the Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes taste way better than their normal white snack cake things. It’s probably a really good thing I have no intention of ever becoming a meth addict. since they usually end up making their own meth or helping other meth-heads make some. I’m fairly certain I’d just blow myself up if I ever attempted something like that, even if I wasn’t high at the time, which most users are while making it. Besides, it smells really bad. I’ll stick to caffeine, thanks. Aw hell, I think the whole cleansing thing actually worked for the family on the episode I’m watching, which means I totally lied. Still think it’s basically useless though, since this is the only time I’ve seen them say it worked, so there. I’m getting tired, therefore, I’m heading to bed kiddies!
Gotta scoot, galoot!