I Kinda Hate Everything, My Brain May Have Some Issues, Peggy the Pirate Chicken, And Other Ludicrous Ridiculousness


First off, I just have to say–Holy crap I totally spelled ludicrous ridiculousness right on the first try, which seems like it might be a bit astonishing and slightly impressive.

But I digress.

Anyway, I have to admit that lately I have found myself hating pretty much everything.  I mean, even more so than usual.  Like Spring.  And spiders.  And earthworms.  And people.  And asthma.  And allergies.  And crappy t.v.  And people.  And my stupid broken tooth.  And work.  And being poor as hell.  And bugs.  And people.  Yeah, basically, everything is just stupid and I hate it and stuff.  Admittedly, most of my reasons are nonexistent, illogical or downright ridiculous, but whatever.  It’s not my fault shit’s so damn annoying.  Everyone is all excited and thrilled about the arrival of spring.  Yeah, they can just cram it.  Spring’s not that great.  It brings bugs and allergens and spiders and means we’re that much closer to summer, which is also not that great in the world of me.  I hate being hot.  I hate humidity with a passion.  I hate all the creepy crawly little beasties that buzz and crawl and sting and bite and just annoy the world with their existence.  My hatred of earthworms is utterly illogical but disturbingly extreme nonetheless.  And my broken tooth is a legitimate annoyance, being all stupid and broken and such.  And the last week or so my asthma has just apparently decided to lose its damned mind again–acting all obnoxious and bizarre and such.  And people always pretty much annoy the hell out of me, so nothing new or surprising there.  I think I’m done now.  And no, I don’t feel better.  Well, maybe a smidge.  But not really.  How annoying.

So, I’m beginning to think that maybe my brain has a few issues.  Not only does it come up with some of the most bizarrely random nonsense ever (and some of the most inappropriate crap too), but apparently it also loses track of a rather alarming amount of stuff too.  Example?  Yesterday, the 17th, is the first time it dawned on me that it was April.  Like, I sorta just missed that fact for the first half of the month.  I had been writing the date on stuff at work throughput those 17 days, yet somehow I totally missed the whole April bit.  Pathetic and a tad bonkers, right??  WTH????

Randomosity:  What do you call more than one platypus?  Platypuses seems to be the acceptable terminology, but it just seems awkward and borderline obscene and such.  Though platypi would probably be even weirder I suppose, though it would be more fun to say.  And what made me address the whole plural platypus thing?  Simple.  I suddenly wondered if they make pants for platypus…es?…i?…hm.  Platypodes?  Wouldn’t it be hilarious if someone had a pet chicken and one day someone else accidentally shut its little chicken leg in a door and broke it’s little chicken leg, which then had to amputated and replaced with a tiny little wooden leg?  And what if, hypothetically of course, this chicken happened to be named Monica pre-peg leg, but was then renamed Peggy and decked out in full pirate regalia, including eye patch and adorable little wing hook, thus making her the terror of the high roost.  Yeah.  That would be absolutely awesome.  And beyond hilarious.  Now that would be an awesome chicken, which would be unusual, since chickens are rather violent, vile, diabolical and despicable little beasties.  I should really paint my toenails sometime soon.  I bought hair gel type stuff tonight, which is way more impressive than it may sound to folks, since I haven’t owned anything like hairspray or anything like that for probably 10 years or more.  Hm…I just realized I still haven’t eaten anything…like, at all.  I should probably, you know, go do that.

Todaloo kangaroo!


3 thoughts on “I Kinda Hate Everything, My Brain May Have Some Issues, Peggy the Pirate Chicken, And Other Ludicrous Ridiculousness

  1. longchaps2

    That was amazing. Like falling up a rabbit hole, lol. You kill me. In a good way. I laughed more in the time I read this than in the whole morning. Thank you. VERY much. 🙂 I won’t wish you a happy spring either. Nope.
    Maybe platypuses are solitary creatures. They fear what people will say behind their backs when they gather in any great numbers. Hmmmm….

    Liked by 1 person

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