MAKE A U-TURN NOW!! (Otherwise Known As That GPS Bitch Is Bossy As Hell), Bikini Season For Turtles, That’s One Big Beaver, Scandalous And Alive Bitches!, And Other Glorious Gibberish

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Is it a bad sign when the GPS gets desperate enough to start borderline yelling at you?  Caron failed to make one little turn, and the GPS bitch had a melt down!  She started hollering to “Make A U-Turn NOW” while we’re waiting at a busy intersection, which was definitely shady advice, since a u-turn at that point would have likely resulted in blaring horns, crunching metal and disgruntled emergency personnel asking why the hell you attempted a u-turn there.  Granted, seconds after the GPS lost its shit, we did sorta kinda end up crossing the Mississippi, which put us in Illinois, which is most definitely NOT where we wanted to go.  But never fear kiddies, we ended up at the museum safe and sound shortly after the whole “ending up in another state for a minute or so” and after making the GPS completely lose its composure and such.  Considering that we are the same gals who got lost in a trailer park for hours once, we did darn good on this trip!

In addition to having the traveling Titanic exhibit thingy, the museum also has a bunch or river/water critters of all sorts.  In one water tank, there was one little turtle feller that was just doing laps around and around and around the tank, which got me wondering all sorts of things.  Like, is there some other turtle he’s trying to impress?  Or maybe he got ahold of some sort of turtle version of meth, and now he’s all tweaking and fidgety and such.  Or maybe its bikini/trunks season for turtles right now.  Ooh, or maybe he’s just casing the joint, checking for weaknesses in the tank thingy so he can plan a break out or a chance to overthrow the current museum regime.

There was also a rather un-small beaver that also had its own little exercise routine, which was primarily a mind-boggling number of underwater somersaults.  Seriously though, that was one big-ass beaver, so it’s probably not a bad idea for it to get a bit of exercise.

So the Titanic exhibit was pretty darn neat.  I definitely want to see the bigger, permanent exhibits in Tennessee and such, but this one was still pretty cool.  The best part was the passenger I was given at the start.  See, they give you this ticket thing with a single passengers info on it.  Then, at the end of the exhibit, you get to find out if your passenger lived of not.  My passenger basically kicked ass.  She was married to “a man of color” (totally, awesomely scandalous!) and had 2 little girls and a bun in the oven.  There was even a family portrait up in the exhibit, which I’m fairly certain that means my chick was way cooler than Caron or Robin’s chicks.  So anyway, I found out that both my chick and her little curtain-climbers survived!  Unfortunately, she wound up being a single parent–her husband did not survive.  But how awesome is it that I got the chick who was both awesomely scandalous and alive??

Randomosity:  Am I the only one who cheers on the Sasquatch in the Jack Links commercials?  Like, I just want him to eat all those dumb-asses when they’re mean to him.  I think cops should be able to tase people for having a mullet, using a double negative, denying ownership of items hidden on their person (drugs in my underwear? those aren’t mine!), etc etc etc.  I can’t remember if I blogged about my awesomeness when I got pulled over last month, which was just astonishingly humiliating.  Cause I’m so smooth and composed and such.  I’m fairly certain over half the population would just curl up and die if their electronic devises just stopped working.  I’d miss blogging and Kindle books and Free Cell and Spider Solitaire and The Sims and my itunes/ipod…and Skype of course.  That’s really it.  I check my bank account sometimes.  I totally forgot to tell about the mafia hit man!  There’s a restaurant near the museum named Vinny Vanucchi’s Little Italy, which totally sounds like the cover for a mafia hit man or something, doesn’t it??  Lmao…this guy just told the cops that a “brown kaloose” bit him.  Then this guy, a big ol’ muscly black dude, gets a phone call and starts sobbing wailing that people were beating him up for no reason and such, which was kinda hilarious.  I totally don’t want to work tomorrow….today…whatever.  Another long day of being nice to people I kind of would rather throat punch.  But at least I get to work with my buddy Krystal!!!!  So yay for that!!!

Hang loose, ‘kaloose’!

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