So I Totally Learned How NOT To Shoot A Gun, Quitters Inc, And Other Tantilizing Tidbits Of Tediousness


So I have a ton of catching up to do, since I have been an atrociously horrid slacker about blogging during the last couple weeks or so.  So, hold onto your butts, here we go!

I did end up going to the shooting range with my buddy Justin.  He has this rather cute little 9mm gun, which seemed like it would be the perfect weapon to learn on.  He took the magazine thingy out and emptied it and made sure there were no bullets in the chamber or whatever you call it.  Then he informs me that he’s going to make me do everything on my own–load the magazine and everything.  While he was jabbering in a rather uppity, know-it-all sort of way, I picked up the empty magazine and a bullet, looked it over for a sec, then started loading the bullets in.  By the time Justin turned around to, presumably, show me how to do this, I was mostly done.  I also figured out that there are little holes on the side of the magazine that show how many bullets it holds and how many are in it.  Then I put the magazine in and tried to slide the whatchamacallit back to get a round into the chamber.  Darn thing is harder than it looks, so he ended up doing that part for me, which I decided was acceptable since I had figured out a bunch of stuff on my own.  At this point, I was rather impressed with myself, I must admit.  So I carefully pointed the gun at the trigger, making sure I had a death grip on the handle in case it jerked or something (Justin would never let me hear the end of it if the gun flew out of my hands or something equally mortifying).  Then I took a deep breath and pulled the trigger…the gun roared (trust me y’all, that shit is LOUD, even with noise muffling headphones on)…and I grinned hugely…for about 5 seconds.  At that point I realized that I had a brand new cut on my thumb.  As I clamped my other hand around the now bleeding thumb, I looked up at my dear friend and said, rather accusingly, “It bit me!!!”  Apparently, my pal failed to realize that I was not born with the knowledge of how to properly hold a gun while firing it.  You do NOT hold the grip with both hands, thumbs criss-crossing below the slide.  Apparently you should keep one hand on the grip and one cupped underneath it.  This is information that would have been exceedingly helpful to know BEFORE I shot the gun.  However, I didn’t know about this whole hand placement business, and found myself with what is, apparently, called a slide-bite.  In other words, when I pulled the trigger, the slide did its whole slide thing, which, since I had been holding the gun like they seem to in movies, meant that the slide made a nice, deep gash on the thumb as it went on its slide-y way.  So I’m standing there bleeding, Justin’s being all big and stupid, and I’m contemplating the fact that I may actually have to have stitches.  Then Justin says, “I knew it!  One shot and you’d be done!”  The hell.  I whipped towards him and asked who had said anything about me being done.  In the end, I wrapped it in a napkin, Justin wrapped electrical tape around the napkin, and I kept shooting.  I think even Justin was impressed that I kept going.  But damn it, I wanted to learn to shoot and I’d be damned if a little slice on my thumb was gonna stop me.  And I actually hit the target once!!  And even when I missed it, I was coming pretty close, so yay me!

Do you see how small that target is????  Can you believe that I came close to hitting that a bunch of times?  That I actually hit it once?!?!?

Do you see how small that target is???? Can you believe that I came close to hitting that a bunch of times? That I actually hit it once?!?!?

But anyway, I did end up dragging myself into the E.R. a few hours later, hoping to have some super glue stuff squirted on it just to make sure it didn’t bust open at work.  Instead, I was informed that I needed stitches because it was on the joint or whatever.  The little old doctor fella was amusing–first he was all kinds of impressed with my “high pain tolerance” when I informed him that the numbing shot thing didn’t hurt, then he was all entertained by the fact that I watched the stitches being put in (which was both fascinating and awesome) which is apparently not what most folks choose to do.  I had to keep the stitches in for 9 days (it was supposed to be 10 but I managed to get them to take them out a day early).  Now I have to leave it bandaged for another week or so, then I will finally be done with this particular annoyance.

minutes before I got those annoying stitches taken out

minutes before I got those annoying stitches taken out

Quitters suck.  Due to 2 quitters at my work, I have been and will be working more than normal…again.  I’m already getting worn out and it’ll be weeks yet before we get any newbies in and trained.  I did have today off, work the next five days, have 2 days off etc etc etc.  Yay.

I have another great story or 2 to catch you up on, but I figure I’ll have to put them in future blogs or this post will end up ridiculously lengthy.  So now you can be all excited and have something to look forward to and such.  Lucky you!

Randomosity:  Why aren’t there any turquoise turtles?  Why are they all greens and browns and greys and blacks and such?  It’d be nice to see a pretty purple or aqua turtle once in awhile.  Why aren’t band-aids called people patches or skin stickers or wound wraps or something like that?  My toenails are officially fabulous once again-hot pink and sparkly.  Why was Fuzzy Wuzzy named Fuzzy Wuzzy if he was neither fuzzy or wuzzy?  Actually, what the hell is wuzzy?  Yes folks, these sorts of things are the source of hours of pointless ponderings for your truly. LOL

I’m out, lake trout!


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