I May Have To Hate The Walking Dead…But Maybe Not, My DVR May Be A Tad Bizarre, And Other Random Ramblings

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Spoiler Alert!  Do Not Read This Bit If You Have Not Watched The Latest Episode Of The Walking Dead!!!!!

twd s6

Okay so, what the entire fucking fuck?!?  Seriously?!?  Have I somehow wronged the Gods?  Why would my beloved Walking Dead do such a cruel, vile thing?  Is he dead?  Is he somehow miraculously alive?  He was at the top of my list of those who cannot die, dammit!  And, honestly, my list of untouchables isn’t all that long: Glenn, Darryl, Michonne, and probably Maggie, since she’s basically an extension of Glenn.  I like Rick and sCarol and the others but, honestly, they just don’t quite make my list.  So it just isn’t fair that they (probably) took out one of my few untouchables!  Glenn just can’t die!  It is totally unacceptable!  And then to leave us wondering and hoping and doubting and pondering!  Siiiigh…they seriously need to fix this shit.

I was scrolling through my recordings on the DVR and I had to giggle.  I have episodes of Chopped and episodes of America’s Next Top Model then a couple Dead Men Talking and then and old fave movie from when I was a kid, Cloak and Dagger.  Then I have a cheesy horror flick and a doc about Hiroshima and then some Whose Line Is It Anyway.  If people could see the weird combo of stuff I inevitably end up DVR-ing every week, they would probably be a tad baffled.  Horribly cheesy reality tv mixed with searing documentaries mixed with tacky 80’s flicks or pathetic horror movies with a side of Walking Dead awesomeness.  Totally whack-a-do.  Totally me!

Randomosity:

being sued for 2 million for starting fire while cooking squirrel w blow torch...rawr

I have to say I’m rooting for Nyle, the deaf model on America’s Next Top Model.  Not only is he a pretty darn good model, he has no cochlear implant and is always trying to show the other models signs.  Why do they say monkey business?  Monkeying around?  Monkey wrench?  What’s up with the monkey obsession?  Sometimes I think it would be kinda awesome to go live in the UK for a couple years, just so I’d have a chance to end up with a nifty accent.  I wish I had more quirky socks.  I miss my old cat, Galli…but I’m super glad that he lives with Stacey and Nia and that he’s totally beyond happy there.  Strangely, I don’t think Dart misses him…weird.  I think it’s time to Skype with the Chloe girl.

Laters, gators!

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Sometimes Doing The Right Thing Super Sucks, My Niece Is Just Awesome, WTEFF Is Wrong With People, And Other Tantalizing Tidbits Of Total Tastelessness

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So I had to deal with a super stressful, fairly horrendously tough situation last week.  I won’t go into to details, I’ll just say I truly believe I did the right thing–no matter what anyone says.  When I was a kid, I felt like no one ever cared what was best for me, that no one was ever there to stand up for me.  So I did what I had to do for my niece, even if it made some folks unhappy.  And I am not one bit sorry.

My niece is kinda beyond hilariously awesome.  She does some seriously mind-boggling things that amuse me far more than they probably should.  Last week, she did something that literally made my jaw drop in shock…and then I almost ruptured something internally laughing.  So here is the newest Chloe story: Sierra and I shared a hotel room last week and Chloe hung out in our room as much as possible.  Well, Sierra was chilling on her bed and I was sitting on my bed, watching T.V. or whatever and Chloe was in the bathroom with mom, getting ready for bed.  So we’re sitting there and out saunters my adorable niece in her night shirt, holding Sierra’s face sponge thingy in her hand. Sierra spots the sponge and asks very nicely,

“Chloe, can you put that back in the bathroom for me?”

“No.”

So I try,

“Chloe Marie, put that back where you got it please.”

“No.”

Sierra tried again, a bit more sternly this time,

“Chloe, I need you to put that back in the bathroom.”

And then Chloe looks Sierra dead in the eyes…and then uses that poor facial sponge in a way no facial sponge was meant to be used.  Then she slapped the sponge down on the dresser and walked back into the bathroom, leaving Sierra and I sitting there stunned, mouths hanging open.  At this point Carrie, who had missed this while she was getting Chloe’s toothbrush and all that ready, comes into the room to see what going on.  She picked up the sponge and says,

“Is this what Chloe had?  What is it?”

Sierra looks at her for a second before answering,

“Well, it WAS my facial sponge.”

It was at this point, as Carrie headed into the bathroom to discuss things with Chloe, and Sierra sat there looking stunned, that I started to hear it–the voices of all the folks who find out my niece has Down Syndrome and feel the need to blurt the stereotypical comment,

“Oh those Down syndrome kids are just the SWEETEST kids!  They love EVERYONE!  They’re ALWAYS so HAPPY!  They don’t have a mean bone in their body!”

These comments kinda cracks me up as a general rule, but remembering them after witnessing my niece do something so decidedly NOT sweet was just to much.  I had to leave the room so I wouldn’t crack up in front of Chloe, since she was definitely hearing how very unacceptable it was to behave in this manner, and hearing me laughing my face off would probably not help drive that point home.  But damn,that was some funny shit.  Though I am sorry Sierra’s facial sponge had to be sacrificed in the process of creating this hilarious moment.  Probably we should have a moment of silence for the sponge…except now I’m giggling again so I don’t think I can do it.

So we apparently have yet another employee who has decided working is just too hard.  I say apparently because this one hasn’t even had the decency to call and tell us she isn’t coming back, she just stopped showing up.  Seriously, what the entire fucking fuck is wrong with people??  It’s bad enough that we have to deal with the general public every damn day–people stealing stupid shit, peeing on the floor, wiping poo on the walls of the bathroom, asking ridiculous questions, bitching about everything.  But we also have to put up with these sorts of co-workers!  Oh, and please don’t snark at the retail workers for having Christmas crap out already–it’s not our choice!  We don’t like it any better than you do.  Putting out Christmas stuff in August and September is beyond annoying.  But it’s not up to us.  They send it to the store and tell us to put it out, they never ASK if we like the idea.  So, sorry to say, suck it up and deal with it just like we have to.

Randomosity:

IMG_80662273575886when i find a way in u my friend are fing dead

I’m pretty sure having a pet HIPPO is a bad idea, and it probably won’t end well.  I mean, I could be wrong here, but I just have a feeling it’s not the best idea for a pet.  Do they have to use little snow scoop machine things to clean up elephant poop?  Cuz I just can’t picture someone following an elephant around with a bag and a shovel.  I mean, it would have to be one hella big shovel, right?  I think it’s another example of what a bad person I am that when I saw a kid throwing a fit last night at work, all I could think was, “Seriously?  Just whack him one…or five…with a broom…or maybe a brick.”  In my defense though, the kid was, like 7 or 8, which is totally old enough to know better than to behave that way, AND he was beating on his mom because she wouldn’t buy him some dumb toy or another.  Then, after literally punching and kicking and slapping his mom, the kid took off in the parking lot and refused to get in the car until she bought him what he wanted.  I didn’t see how this ended, but I do know the mom did not come back in and buy the toy (yay for mom!) and they didn’t stay in the parking lot all night so I’m assuming she got his rotten butt in the car somehow.  Have I mentioned how much I love having a cat instead of kids?  Don’t get me wrong, I adore all my nieces and nephews and cousins and such, I just don’t deal well with the whole screeching, whining, violent hissy-fit thing.  I watched the documentary Blood Brothers last night and it was pretty great actually.  Totally recommend that one.  I wonder how I’d look with purple hair.  Turducken sounds rather disgusting really.  If I had a pet hippo and it took a bite out of my niece or nephew, I would totally get rid of that darn hippo.  Of course, I wouldn’t have a pet hippo in the first place, so there’s that.

Todaloo, kangaroo!

Crocodiles Are Not Pets, Snakes-Just Ew, Pretty Sure I’m An Epic Failure As A Blogger, And Other Equally Pointless Crap

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Okay, so I’ve been watching some of those Fatal Attraction animal shows the last few days and now I have some fascinating factoids for y’all.  First off, crocodiles are totally NOT pets.  They do not want to play or cuddle and they are not going to be all tail-waggingly happy to see you.  They want to eat you.  You are food.  Seriously, they are no more attached to you than you are to your order of McNuggets.  If you, like, obsessively dig crocs, visit them at a zoo or something and leave it at that.  Secondly, snakes are rather icky and very-uncuddly and really prefer living in the wild over residing in some reptile-nut’s house.  Honestly, what is the appeal of snakes as pets??  And what, for the love of all that is holy, possesses people to keep VENOMOUS snakes as pets???  WTH???  Why not just stab yourself in the face with a meat fork covered acid?  That way, you get the delightful experience of a snake bite but without the added expensive of feeding the bitey beastie.  Have I mentioned that I don’t particularly like snakes?  Just ew, y’all, just ew.  And one last little tidbit for ya–buffalo are not meant to roam in your house.  Ever.  Especially if you have a buffalo head mounted on your wall.  Seriously, you better hope that big ass beastie traipsing through your house doesn’t see that and figure that shit out.  I mean, look how people felt when they saw Dahmer’s home decor!

I’m fairly certain I am a failure of epic proportions in the blogging department.  I’ve been working so much lately that I just haven’t felt like doing much of anything by the time I get home and on my rare days off, I totally just veg out and do as little as humanly possible.  I do apologize and will try to do better and such.  Seriously.

Randomosity:  I’m really starting to dislike small-town fests and the parades that go with them.  Okay, maybe just the one we had in my town today.  I’ve had to work on the day they have this fest every year since I moved here.  Maybe I would like the whole thing a bit better if I wasn’t working.  Like, if I could go and partake in the yummy food and freebies and candy-throwing parades and such.  But no, I have to work.  I have to hear dozens and dozens of people ask where our bathroom is.  I have to watch people leave their trash in our parking lot.  I have to hear tired, cranky, over-stimulated kids whine and scream and such as they are dragged through our store.  And, well, people.  People just suck and there are so many of them around on fest day.  Siiiigh.  I’m super tired.  Probably should go to bed.  Do penguins have knees?

Gotta go, dingo!