R.I.P. Earl Howard Johnston


earl chillinSCAN0865

My uncle Earl has never said a word to me.  He never picked me up when I fell down as a kid.  Never called just to see how I was doing.  And yet, he was one of the most amazing and inspiring people I have ever known.  When he was just 6 months old, he contracted spinal meningitis, which left him partially paralyzed, brain damaged and afflicted with epilepsy.  Doctors gravely informed my grandma that he would never live to see the age of 7 and that he should just be sent away to wait for that young death.  My grandmother refused to institutionalize him, as was expected back then, and took care of him for the rest of her life.  When I was a kid, Earl could still spend time in his wheelchair and yell for my grandma when he needed her.  As time passed, he became completely confined to a hospital bed and his limbs became more and more atrophied.  But he never stopped loving and teaching my family about love and life.  He never let his limitations stop him from enjoying life.  He flirted with pretty girls, brushing his hair for them and smiling slyly at them before beckoning them closer.  He expected, and received, kisses from all his visitors–he did not care if it was one of my big burly cousins or one of his sisters.  And we all gave him the desired greeting without hesitation or embarrassment.  Earl let us know in countless ways that he understood us and, often, that he felt that we were all a bit bonkers.  He would laugh with us and laugh at us.  He would listen to our woes and share in our triumphs.  For all of his 67 years (take that you dumb ol’ doctors!), he never showed any bitterness or self-pity or despair over the hand fate had dealt him.  Instead, he just lived his life and enriched the lives of everyone who ever knew him.  I will miss him more than I can express.  We all will.


The Walking Dead Is Killing Me, Never Kill Two Or More Spouses In Identical Fashion, I Don’t Think I’d Do Well In A Cult, And Other Pointless Ponderings


It just isn’t right that I still don’t know if I have to hate The Walking Dead!  For crying in the sink folks, just reveal the whole truth already!  I mean, let’s be honest, the odds are not good that he made it.  But I need to KNOW!  Damn it.

I was watching one of those forensic crime shows, one of the true sort rather than the CSI sort.  And there was a woman who decided to off a few of her husbands for whatever whack-a-do reasons.  And normally I’d be all, ‘whatever floats your boat’ and mumble about the predictability of the whole spouse-offing thing.  However, this lady drove me bonkers!  She not only killed 3 consecutive husbands (maybe some alone time would have been a dandy concept for this whacknut), but she killed all of them the EXACT SAME WAY.  Poisoned them with the exact same stuff each time.  I mean, how stupid can a gal get?  At least ATTEMPT to cover your tracks.  And variety is kinda key in getting away with serial spouse killing or whatever you want to call it.  Sheesh.

So I watched some shows about various cult-ish type groups and I came to a conclusion.  I would totally suck at being part of a cult.  The whole mindless submission and unquestioning obedience thing just would not work for me.  I was politely booted from one church in the past, and it wasn’t even some psycho drink the kool-aid sort of place.  Though I honestly feel they over-reacted just a tad–all I did was make an astute observational comparison and they totally got all judgy and pissy!  I simply pointed out their similarity to Nazi Germany’s and the whole forced censorship book-burning thing.  And they totally did admire and encourage actual book burning!  They were all, ‘wow, you burned those evil Harry Potter‘ books?  yay for you! we are super proud!  everyone should do that!’  Which totally ticked me off, of course.  So I told them what I thought…loudly and rather snarkily.  So I don’t figure I would be very good at the whole cult thing, since I’m apparently not even good at the average church thing.


considering filling my pockets w glitter...someone says something really stupid or rude...reach into pocket...release glitter...above their head and watch it shower over them like...baptism of stupid...

Why would I survive a horror movie? Cuz no fucking way, that's why. Nancy Drew was a fucktard and thus, most definitely NOT someone I would ever choose to emulate.

Why would I survive a horror movie? Cuz no fucking way, that’s why. Nancy Drew was a fucktard and thus, most definitely NOT someone I would ever choose to emulate.

It’s almost disturbing how excited I am for Thanksgiving and my precious shopping days to get here.  $10 seasons of my fave shows, adorable boots and slippers at dirt cheap prices, ridiculously cheap movies, Christmas gifts at poor girl prices, and all sorts of super deals galore!  Sadly, I am far too poor to be all judgy and boycotty and refuse to shop on Thanksgiving.  I will, however, NEVER EVER tell an employee how unfair and unforgivable it is that the store is open on Thanksgiving WHILE I AM SHOPPING…that drove me beyond nuts when I worked it the year before last.  I will be cheerful and patient and sympathetic to the employees, though I cannot make the same commitment in regards to my fellow shoppers.  Not to sound harsh or anything, but if you smack a big, scary biker fella, then verbally bitch-slap him in front of his buddies, on their turf, do you really think it’s going to end well for you?  Why do people still insist on shopping even when the weather is icky?  I really dig Christmas music.  Like, when the days leading up to Thanksgiving arrive, I am all about all Christmas music, all the time.  But, for the love of all that is holy, November 4th is too fracking early to be playing Christmas music!  We have a radio station that has been 24/7 Christmas music since at least the 4th!  I almost drove off the rode when I heard Jingle Bells on the way to work that day.  Random tip–if the police show up at your door, arguing and mouthing off is not your best option.  Just sayin’.

Gotta go, dingo!