Guilty Pleasures Rock, Public Bathroom Etiquette, I Feel Like I’ve Been Cheated, And Other Stuff Y’all Just NEED To Know


Okay so I have a confession to make…I am rather pathetically addicted to the ridiculousness that is Toddlers and Tiaras.  And don’t go making judgy eyebrows at me–you know you have some horrible guilty pleasure that’s equally atrocious.  I mean, some must read all those horrendous Harlequin romance novels and The Bachelor is still on t.v. which means people are actually still watching that crap too, so there.  And at least I can, and will, happily admit that the show is ridiculous, I just don’t care ’cause it’s downright entertaining.  For one thing, I must admit that the whole little kid pageant thing doesn’t bother me like it does some folks.  Yes, those kids wear more make-up than I have ever owned, and they wear dresses that cost an absurd amount of money, and yes they spray tan and wear those weird teeth things and all that.  But a lot of those kids eat that shit up.  They look and feel like little princesses and they get crowns and trophies and prizes and gifts to boot.  And honestly, if the kid loves it, I don’t see the harm in it so long as the parent handles things in a somewhat sane and rational manner.  Buuuuuut, that doesn’t happen often on the show, which is delightful to watch of course.  I love loathing the rotten, pushy, bullying, nasty moms and admiring the good ones thrown in here and there.  I love watching these kids prancing and preening and such.  And I love it when they’re rotten brats too.  The whole thing is like a delightful train wreck that you just can’t look away from, no matter how much you want to.  Anyway, they took my show off for a couple years, which horked me off to no end.  But now it’s back!  Yay for trashy, pointless, mindless, ridiculous, and thoroughly awesome t.v.!!!

So, I know I have ranted and raved about how nasty people can be, like, a million times.  And I’m going to do it again.  People apparently don’t understand that using a public restroom does NOT mean you can suddenly leave behind all common sense, civility, and decency.  Other folks actually want to use the restroom after you and they most certainly do not want to find the toilet covered in your shit–literally.  I have had to clean many bathrooms over the years, which is rather ironic since I refuse to use public restrooms 99.99999999% of the time (I can literally count the number of times I’ve used a public restroom in the last 10 or 15 years on one hand).  One thing I have discovered over the years is that people are just as nasty as I feared far more often than you probably think.  I have seen shit smeared walls, toilets literally dripping with all manner of bodily fluids, used feminine products tossed on the floor and even in the sink, and I even once discovered that someone had somehow managed to take a liqua-poop in a tampon receptical (I still cannot fathom how they accomplished that one).  For the love of all that is holy, people, what the hell?!?  Proper public restroom etiquette is actually astoundingly simple–get in, do your business, clean up after yourself, wash your hands, and get out.  That’s it.  Sheesh.

I am a huge fan of gymnastics–especially during the Olympics.  I could watch it for hours.  Maybe it’s because I am the total opposite of graceful or coordinated or even remotely athletic.  Maybe it’s just ’cause it’s nifty to watch.  Whatever the reason, I love gymnastics.  So I was rather looking forward to watching it during the Rio games.  But. apparently, the folks that are replaying these games don’t like me much.  I recorded every single replay thingy that said it included gymnastics events…and then had to say bad words when I played them back and found abso-frickin-lutely NO GYMNASTICS.  What the entire fuck, people?  What did I ever do to you to make you promise me gymnastics and then not deliver???  I did somewhat forgive them for this tonight though, when I actually got to see what the dumb info thing promised, which is my all-time favorite; women’s floor exercises!  I still fell cheated though, since I missed a bunch of other stuff.  Sigh.


Am I the only one who ever wonders if anyone chooses to dye their hair that dull blondish-brownish color?  Or how many people have the job of inspector at a dildo manufacturing factory?  I think there should be a law that you can’t spend thousands of dollars on stupid stuff like pageant dresses or fancy electronics if you’re missing more than one front tooth and the remaining teeth are horridly discolored.  Just sayin’.  Do people name their kid Tiffany any more?   Why are they called dust bunnies?  They really don’t look very bunny-like.  Who was the first person to hack off a cute little bunny’s foot and decide it was lucky and should therefore be carried around?  i mean, how creepy and ick is that??  Ick is totally a legit word, spellcheck, you’re just overly judgy and rude.  And stupid.

Ta-ta for now, chow-chow!